Infertility During the Holidays
By: nncope | November 13th, 2020 | Tags:Despite our best efforts, end of the year, holidays can be painful, stressful, and unhappy. A lot can be expected of us. We are under the pressure to attend various events, put on a happy face, and enjoy every minute. Experiencing infertility during this time can add a large amount of emotional stress to an already stressful situation. We may not be able to take away all of that stress, but we do have some tools for you to help combat some of those negative feelings and emotions. Our friends at RESOLVE have compiled an excellent list of Dos and Don’ts during the holiday season. When You Get the Holiday Party Invitation DO: Be selective about accepting invitations to parties and holiday celebrations, especially the ones at which you know there will be a lot of children or pregnant women. Remember: you don’t have to say yes. DON’T: Feel guilty about not participating in all the traditional family events. You’re going through a difficult time, and you need to concentrate on helping yourself and your partner get through the holidays. Visiting Family and Friends DO: Plan to spend time with couples or friends who don’t have children if family festivities are too much to bear this year. Consider arriving just in time for the holiday dinner, rather than the night before if you find it painful to be around your young nieces, nephews and cousins. DON’T: Rely completely on family traditions to fulfill your present needs. Celebrations DO: Spend time doing things you like best.
- Prepare a spectacular meal, take long walks, go horse-back riding or jogging, or curl up by a fire with a good novel.
- Plan a special trip just for you and your partner: a ski weekend, or a few nights at a cozy country inn. You may have to put up with comments like, “How can you be so selfish?” or “The holiday won’t be the same without you.” But those remarks may be easier to bear than a holiday table packed with children.
- Begin your own family traditions: a special ceremony or ritual that says that you and your partner are already a family, and that you can rejoice in your love for each other, with or without children.
- You may even want to rehearse your answers. (You can decide to be honest with friends and relatives as to why you can’t join certain celebrations and traditions which are just too painful right now.)
- Express your appreciation to friends and relatives who have given you their love and support. Be sure to keep in close contact with your friends at RESOLVE; many of them are in the same boat and can understand and offer the support that perhaps your family cannot.
- Allow yourself to feel sad, deprived or depressed. Infertility is a major life crisis, and you are entitled to those feelings. Talk with each other about your feelings. Your partner may be able to help you through the rough times.
- Give yourself, and each other, frequent pats on the back for making it through the holidays. Remember to capture the “spirit” in each holiday which makes it special. Participate in activities which bring meaning to you at this time; create the joy intended in celebrating the holiday for its own sake.